I can only beg so many times

I need that comfort

It’s who I am

new-poets-society:

I sleep later these nights

Because I miss the tranquility that dates back

17 years ago

10 months ago

5 weeks ago

2 days ago

when the world was unheard of,

when I wasn’t introduced to sins defined by a

book titled “the guide to morality, religion, and utter stupidity”

when I didn’t have to balance what swims in my

head and what is sprouted from my mouth,

when validation, judgment, and contempt were

not a part of my vocabulary,

when my mind didn’t drown in incoherent ideologies,

when trivial things didn’t mask perception and made me petty,

when I didn’t question myself with words written

past 2 AM,

I sleep later these nights

— 99lctz; rims 

sass-uh-frass:

Sleep Paralysis

It’s something that I’ve struggled on and off with for a long time. Sometimes i have episodes that are not so bad and are over quickly and I’m able to fall back asleep. But I think I just had the worst experience of my life.

Now, for those of you don’t know what sleep paralysis is, it’s basically you being stuck halfway in REM sleep and being lucid. You are aware of your surroundings and may not be aware that you aren’t awake yet. Then you try to move. And you can’t. Then you start to hallucinate. The most common hallucination for me is “The intruder.” They don’t make a sound. They don’t have a face. But I see them either standing in the corner or my doorway. And usually by this point I start hyper ventilating and trying to scream and wake myself back up but I can’t. I try to close my eyes but I can’t. And then usually. It’s over.

But last night was different. I was laying there on my back, and I heard voices. Clear as fucking day. They started out far away. Like i thought it was neighbours across the street. Then it drew closer and closer. Then I heard the voice right in my ear. And I could feel her breath on my cheek. I start to panic and try to wake myself up but I’m stuck there. I finally either fall back to sleep or wake up, not sure which. I was stuck in the weird half lucid half panic state. Then it happened again. And I remember telling myself not to panic. But I saw the intruder again. But this time she was small. Like the size of a 6 year old child. And she had a face. She stood in my doorway and I heard the voices again. And then all of a sudden in one quick motion she’s on top of me. Just staring.

Then I woke up. I couldn’t fall back asleep after that.

This is the first time I’ve really logged my sleep paralysis and I think I’ll do it more often. Fuck this

So, two nights ago something VERY similar happened to me. “Wake up”, can’t move, can’t speak. Hallucinations begin - mine always start with unrecognizable music. My version of your intruder “materializes” - always next to my bed. This time it’s far worse. My sound hallucinations get violent. There is scraping, scratching, screaming. Thuds, slams. More screams, but they seem almost sexual by nature. The intruder is not something that appears to be tangible. He/she seems ghost like, wispy, with a dark, violent aura. It runs it’s hand, or what can only be described as something simlar, along my eyelids, over my forehead and down my shoulders, down my chest, around my groin, down my thighs. Then it’s on top of me, measurably smaller. It straddles my shoulders and mockingly watches, what WOULD be my response if I could move, as it touches my body. Everything is gone. I feel normal. I can breathe again. I can move. I can talk. But I can’t sleep.

@sass-uh-frass

Measure

Sometimes I sit around and read about other people that are suffering.
As if I need to know the world hurts as bad as I do, and then I measure it against my own and wonder how they made it. I wonder who they are now and who they were then. I wonder how I expect myself to be the idea I have of myself in the future.

Anyways, it’s been awhile but I need to say it somewhere. Anywhere.

My dream is to teach the General population, of which I am apart of, that there are two necessary truths for how humanity got this far. These two truths are the following:

Good was necessary for humanity’s progress thus far, as well as demanded of us evolutionarily.

Rationale thought will be necessary to unite all of the world’s people, in the place of religion.

These two truths can be concluded following the premise that community is the highest form of good.

One day I’ll be educated enough that when I theoretically demonstrate these ideas, people will listen.

Maybe one day I’ll even get to influence someone in a position of power and we can educate the future generations during primary school alongside math and language.

People have to come together or our planet will simply die.

@phirr

ur beautiful